When you call me “exotic”
I’m caught between wanting to punch you in the face
And being glad you saw me in the first place

There’s this side of me that knows that
Recognition from a white boy is all I ever wanted
You looked like freedom
You tasted like liberation
You would set me free
If I couldn’t bleach and pull and cut the color off
Maybe I would pick it up by association
And it would come off like dye in a washing machine
Maybe you could liberate me by if I stood close enough

All I ever wanted to be was free
But my face isn’t what freedom looked like
Being a dark person in the dark means you aren’t seen
You are a stranger in your own home, your own self, disembodied
The world has made you invisible
But you in that moment “saw” me
You acknowledged my existence

Maybe you could make me feel less exotic
Maybe your nuclear family could erase mine
I wanted to give up everything for you
I wanted to give up everything to be you

It took me time to leave you
To realize I didn’t need a ticket out from myself
I needed ticket out from you
So I made one and left
I refuse to be quiet anymore
I refuse to your exotic Indian girl
I refuse you and your privilege

Does my presence unsettle you?
Does my native language fuck with your ego?
Do my cuss words turn you off?
Does my humanity shock you?
Am I not worth your heart and ear?

When will I be enough?
Will I ever be more than your exotic other?

I want to unsettle you
I want to make turn you off
I want to be the angry woman you were warned about
I am enough
And you can’t define me
Or my culture
You may have colonized me
My people, my culture, my home
But you will not take me too